you traded sex for a burrito?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
