I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
