WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
