And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
