how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
