I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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