Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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