maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
