turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
