Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
