My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
