Your face is a jimmy john
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
