He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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