So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
