Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
