At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
