Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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