Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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