yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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