There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
