you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
