I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
