you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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