ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
