Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
