he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
