I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
