I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
