I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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