i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
