So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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