who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
