Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
