dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
