Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
