it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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