tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
