god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
