Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
