I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
