There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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