maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
