Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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