Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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