sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
