You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As shirtless as possible
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
