I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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