my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
