Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
