Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
